What does basic training have in common with sex? You have to pound the privates. What should you say after fucking a military woman? “Thank you for your cervix.” What does sex and tests have in common? A lack of focus can ruin everything.ĭon’t mess with the clitoris, it comes from the ‘hood. What did the boobs say to the bra? “We could really use your support right now.”Ĭan you spot the blind man at the nudist beach? It’s not hard. What’s the name of a charity that feeds homeless, nursing babies? Tits for Tots. What does a testicle and a college kid have in common? They’re both sensitive. What’s the difference between an ass and a kid? You can still slap an ass.
What’s the difference between an ass and a rude audience? You can make an ass clap. What does a clitoris and a pitcher’s mound have in common? Both are little bumps where everything important happens.
What does my wife have in common with my pinky toe? I bang both on the table. What does a gynecologist have in common with a theatre worker? Both pull back curtains. What do big dicked men and medieval torture artists have in common? They stretch people out.Ī woman told me to worship her ass. What does a labia and a great essay have in common? They both get a major-AĪre your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come down. What do boners and personal style have in common? They’re made worse by sweatpants. My wife rubbed her pubis on my face-kinda tainted the moment. Why do women’s underwear have flowers on them? In memory of the faces buried there. What does the “G” in “G Spot” stand for? “Goddamn, where is it?” What does the Impossible Burger have in common with a dildo? They’re both meat substitutes. What does a farmer have in common with my wife? They both wake up to a cock. What do young men and old sleeper sofas have in common? They both squeak when they pull out.Ī girl told me she wanted to get weird-so I called her by her sister’s name.Īnother girl told me she was into bondage-so we watched “12 Years a Slave” We got a wedding invite that said: “Please no kids allowed”-So I had to get my girlfriend an abortion. What’s the difference between a lesbian and a bartender? One reaches for mugs, the other munches on rugs. However, buying gloves for him can be murder” So, I whispered in her ear: “Climate change is our biggest threat.”Īnother said she liked football players-I said: “I have the perfect guy for you. This girl said she liked to be scared her during sex. I have a teacher fetish-I love when a woman tells me I have no future. I’d love a drink before sex but communion wine seems wrong, Father. She said that’s not what the slot is for. I asked a prostitute if I could pay her with a credit card. What’s a termite have in common with your girlfriend? They’re both wrecking my home by filling their mouths with wood. How do you pick up an archaeologist? Tell them you’ve got a bone to discover. I haven’t let my wife finish dinner for weeks.Ī girl asked if we could do it cowgirl-so I branded her. The wife says: “Honey do you think we could not do missionary this time?” The husband: “Damnit Sharon, I’ve already got the collar on!”Ī friend of mine told me it’s good to keep a woman wanting more. I got a booty call from life-it wants to keep fucking me.Ī married couple is preparing to have sex. The difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb. How can you tell guitar players get laid so often? They go through a lot of G strings.Įverything I know about sex, I learned from bars-liquor in the front, poker in the rear.įlirting with young girls is like Blackjack - don’t hit on a 16. Why does Santa Clause have a lumpy sack?-He only comes once a year. For your next night at the pub or your next hangout, here are 120 (or so) dirty jokes. Dirty jokes can help deliver a much-needed serotonin hit and make you laugh behind your hand at the raunchy nature. It’s no secret that we all go through blue moods and most of us are thinking about sex 24/7.
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